Last night, I saw my blessings turn to curses. A devil and his minions came into my room and slithered down the wall. I was not afraid, just sad. Sad for failing when I didn't have to. Sad that things had to happen like this. A little bit apprehensive about knowing all of this is not even close to ending and also slightly curious as to how it will progress. But the shame and the guilt were dominant. I had to rest. I needed a good sleep. I finally got it. But that devil was still there. It couldn't hurt me, but it disturbed me none the less, if for nothing else but that I opened the door for it. Anger at my self. Shame again. I wanted it out! More so, I wanted me out and clean again. I thought only time would cure this. I did not want to wait around for that though. I felt my self dying and after such success. Then the ultimate fall came. I realized I thought I didn't deserve it. The blessings were something I had earned and now I forfeited them. Then the Master came to me and said, "I give this to you because I can. You wrote yourself that you didn't earn this. You already know. Now the question is not if you are going to forgive them. You already have, or more correctly, I have through you. Will you now forgive your self again as I always do"? "But I want this devil out of here", I said. "Don't focus on that. You know it can't hurt you. You know it has no power. You know all these things have no power and that you have grown beyond them regardless of your small and temporary actions. Remember they are just temporary. What I did lasts forever. And what did I tell you about changing the past? I can do that and have!". Now will I take it seriously? "Yes". "Go and sin no more". "OK" All I can do is say yes again. I repented of the witchcraft of trying to manipulate G-d into blessing me again. I forgave my self for the fall. When I awoke, the devil had shrunk. It had no power. I dragged it out and cast it away, then I decided to trust once again. From then on, I saw and see things beginning to change once more. All my curses become blessings. All my pain becomes joy. I am lost away from myself and myself becomes something lost in light. The light shines into the darkness and the darkness is no more again.