My prayer for you

Nothing is impossible. This too will pass. You will get through it. Even in the deepest part of the valley of the shadow of death, the storm passes and pools of blessing remain. The race only gets harder the closer to the finish you get. I pray that you find those pools of blessing. I pray that you find the power to win every race.
I have come to see that all the hardship in my life has only prepared me to be stronger now than ever before. I pray you learn the same. Only through suffering can truly great things be accomplished. There is no way around it. I pray that you learn to embrace it. I pray that your suffering becomes meaningful to you because it is already meaningful to God. He lives in you and knows all your pain. It is not wasted. It is not wrong. Jesus cried out too. Read the psalms and you will see nothing but crying out. Feel free to do the same. It's not wrong to complain to God. He is the only one you should complain to. In fact it is only right. He is the only one who can understand. He is the only one who will love you for it all the more.
You are not weak and you are not a failure. I can say it all I want and I will say it as much as I can, but I pray that it becomes real for you. You are not judged by God, so don't judge yourself. Embrace the freedom that he brings. Freedom even to be depressed. In your depression, fall into his embrace. Accept that love and surrender. This too will pass. You will see freedom and love at the end like you never knew before. let it come to you. let God show you how much he really cares. If anyone ever says otherwise forgive them because they don't know what they are talking about.
Let go of all the things that are in your way. Feel free to cut away and give up from your life things that are not you. It's not weakness. It's God showing you who you are. Let all things become new. The sun rises and the darkness is no mo more. God's love shines and your darkness will be no more.